Mildagarncem is a god.

It takes the form of a small, stupid whale.

Mildagarncem created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mildagarncem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Mildagarncem, it will boil you in a big pot.

Mildagarncem's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Mildagarncem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Mildagarncem in the centre of the settlement.

3. You must pray to Mildagarncem seven times a day.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Mildagarncem.

5. Respect your elders.