Nartmatlad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, self-assured cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nartmatlad created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartmatlad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nartmatlad, she will cry a lot.

Nartmatlad's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Nartmatlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near porpoises.

2. Always obey Nartmatlad's priests.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

5. Never mention moths.