Hapnarltif is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, staggering cow.

Hapnarltif created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Hapnarltif, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hapnarltif, he will torture you forever.

Hapnarltif's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Hapnarltif's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt mice.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair fawn.

5. Always take life seriously.