Xenpitceb is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, loving tapir.

Xenpitceb created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xenpitceb, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xenpitceb, he will refuse to believe in you.

Xenpitceb's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Xenpitceb's Holy Commandments

1. Xenpitceb loves pigs, so they must be respected.

2. Never feed corn to monkeys while wearing red coats.

3. Always help sick tortoises.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

5. Run away from blue nematodes, for they are unholy.