Janpasxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy hyena.

Janpasxuc created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janpasxuc, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Janpasxuc, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Janpasxuc's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Janpasxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always pray immersed in water.