Witsafvig is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, astonishing shrew.

Witsafvig created the planet Jupiter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witsafvig, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Witsafvig, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Witsafvig's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Witsafvig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Always treat capybaras with great respect.