Cargarjad Danwankip is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, vain manatee.

Cargarjad Danwankip created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cargarjad Danwankip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cargarjad Danwankip, he will not care at all.

Cargarjad Danwankip's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Cargarjad Danwankip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Retreat if four horses approach from the west.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not chop down trees.