Hakgubven is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, able duck.

Hakgubven created the world three million years ago.

If you believe in Hakgubven, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hakgubven, she will manifest in front of you.

Hakgubven's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hakgubven's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about galaxies.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near hamsters while wearing mauve shorts and balancing three platinum spheres on your legs.

3. Retreat if six snakes approach from the west.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Never bounce in holy places.