Cusspopgun is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, competent bird.

Cusspopgun created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cusspopgun, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cusspopgun, he will turn you into a mouse.

Cusspopgun's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cusspopgun's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about whales.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near eagles while wearing black shoes.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.