Futwadkad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, emotional hippopotamus.

Futwadkad created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futwadkad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Futwadkad, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Futwadkad's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Futwadkad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. You must pray to Futwadkad four times a day.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.