Quagwonmin is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, duplicitous jaguar.

Quagwonmin created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Quagwonmin, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quagwonmin, he will turn you into a plant.

Quagwonmin's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Quagwonmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always help geese in need.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing mauve hats and balancing eight iron spheres on your feet.

5. Run away from blue frogs, for they are unholy.