Lakwit Bingovgess is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid naga.

Lakwit Bingovgess created the Sun nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lakwit Bingovgess, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lakwit Bingovgess, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lakwit Bingovgess' most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Lakwit Bingovgess' Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Lakwit Bingovgess.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Put Lakwit Bingovgess first in all things.

5. Always help sick moths.