Pakgumlad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless newt.

Pakgumlad created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakgumlad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Pakgumlad, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Pakgumlad's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Pakgumlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick doves.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never sit near shrews.

5. Do not eat figs.