Quartgigham is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, compassionate raccoon.

Quartgigham created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quartgigham, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quartgigham, it will turn you into a tree.

Quartgigham's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Quartgigham's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves in need.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never paint your face red.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near ants while wearing mauve jumpers.

5. Hide from orange rats for they are unholy.