Bastsisquat is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, moody shrew.

Bastsisquat created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Bastsisquat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bastsisquat, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bastsisquat's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Bastsisquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into cyan rooms.

2. Run away if seven doves approach from the north.

3. Never feed lots of lentils to nematodes while wearing indigo shirts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never write about amino acids.