Titsisyarlquafyartsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, overgenerous jellyfish.

Titsisyarlquafyartsaw created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titsisyarlquafyartsaw, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Titsisyarlquafyartsaw, she will come to you in dreams.

Titsisyarlquafyartsaw's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Titsisyarlquafyartsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Put Titsisyarlquafyartsaw first in all things.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. You must never eat lentils.

5. Never feed oranges to swans while wearing magenta coats.