Flabvabjan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, charitable narwhal.

Flabvabjan created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabvabjan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flabvabjan, he will turn you into a worm.

Flabvabjan's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Flabvabjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never talk about frogs.

3. Flabvabjan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Worship no other gods but Flabvabjan.