Bassfunvag is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish chicken.

Bassfunvag created a bottom quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassfunvag, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bassfunvag, it will manifest in front of you.

Bassfunvag's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Bassfunvag's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Retreat if eight ants approach from the east.

3. Always help manatees in need.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.