Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent lizard.

Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near snakes while wearing mauve skirts and balancing eight gold spheres on your face.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Do not take Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat's name in vain.

4. Cumfenqueeg Tiftifsat loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.