Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, uncaring naga.

Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven created Asia four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven, he will make you grow a tail.

Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

2. Put Larnditcad Tifwigminnakven first in all things.

3. Do not eat onions.

4. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

5. Never talk about photosynthesis.