Fonnuttved is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, self-assured dryad.

Fonnuttved created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Fonnuttved, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Fonnuttved, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Fonnuttved's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Fonnuttved's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Fonnuttved loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fonnuttved.

4. Never mention dogs.

5. You must love Fonnuttved.