Artstragwab is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, almighty seal.

Artstragwab created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artstragwab, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Artstragwab, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Artstragwab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Artstragwab's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five gulls approach from the north.

2. Never talk about dark energy near foxes while wearing fawn shirts.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never feed coconuts to cats while wearing mauve rings.