Vabtafmat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humorless slug.

Vabtafmat created the Cigar Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vabtafmat, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vabtafmat, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vabtafmat's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Vabtafmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention badgers.

2. You must never eat peanuts.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never play with disobedient children.