Capquafzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, moody clam.

Capquafzen created energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capquafzen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Capquafzen, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Capquafzen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Capquafzen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not kill rats.

3. Never chant near goats.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Hide if four snakes approach from the east.