Largtifbam is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, dishonest chinchilla.

Largtifbam created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largtifbam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Largtifbam, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Largtifbam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Largtifbam's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

3. Never write about electromagnetism.

4. Never hurt capybaras.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.