Rapsaknar is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, all-powerful jaguar.

Rapsaknar created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Rapsaknar, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Rapsaknar, it will make you grow a tail.

Rapsaknar's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Rapsaknar's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

5. Never write about nucleic acids.