Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, happy mink.

Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Xemtagmeg Kemyogzensadyattbetsigben's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never think about ultrasonics.

5. Learn three new languages a year.