Ontriphog is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless wren.

Ontriphog created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontriphog, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Ontriphog, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Ontriphog's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Ontriphog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to goats while wearing shoes.

2. Do not wear gold on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Never paint your arms indigo.

5. Never talk about fire.