Quatbigpogcem is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, ill-tempered finch.

Quatbigpogcem created a charm quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Quatbigpogcem, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quatbigpogcem, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quatbigpogcem's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Quatbigpogcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to shrews while wearing shorts.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always obey Quatbigpogcem's priests.