Vadkapquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient owl.

Vadkapquaf created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadkapquaf, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vadkapquaf, he will turn you into a tree.

Vadkapquaf's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Vadkapquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Always help sick seals.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. You must pray to Vadkapquaf five times a day.

5. Worship no other gods but Vadkapquaf.