Fetteenyam is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, uncaring tapir.

Fetteenyam created silver eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetteenyam, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fetteenyam, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Fetteenyam's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Fetteenyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cucumbers to porpoises while wearing fawn kilts.

2. Always look after injured shrews.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Fetteenyam on top of all buildings.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Worship no other gods but Fetteenyam.