Garxinlam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, selfish zebra.

Garxinlam created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garxinlam, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Garxinlam, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Garxinlam's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Garxinlam's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat strawberries.

2. Put Garxinlam first in all things.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never eat onions.