Podquartrul is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, humorless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Podquartrul created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Podquartrul, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Podquartrul, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Podquartrul's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Podquartrul's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Podquartrul.

2. Eagles are not to be trusted.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Never write about nebulae.