Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, merciless bird.

Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag, he will strike you with lightening.

Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not eat peas.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bestsafbamfitmitvolquag.

5. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.