Maptimquim is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, clever guinea pig.

Maptimquim created Mount Everest four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Maptimquim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Maptimquim, it will turn you into a duck.

Maptimquim's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Maptimquim's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Maptimquim four times a day.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

5. Never feed aubergines to otters while wearing mauve rings.