Monveenhiv is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, witty elephant.

Monveenhiv created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monveenhiv, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Monveenhiv, he will cry a lot.

Monveenhiv's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Monveenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Retreat if five mites approach from the east.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never sprint in the presence of birds.

5. Never wear shoes.