Gemtargvon is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, effective cat.

Gemtargvon created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemtargvon, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gemtargvon, she will turn you into a snail.

Gemtargvon's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gemtargvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Never laugh in the presence of snails.

3. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always help otters in need.