Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless jellyfish.

Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon, he will turn you into a frog.

Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

2. You must pray to Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon four times a day.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Quammonsug Nurlbomvon Badhaphon in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always wear brown.