Tamvigcumstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, blissful goblin.

Tamvigcumstrag created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamvigcumstrag, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tamvigcumstrag, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tamvigcumstrag's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tamvigcumstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

5. Worship no other gods but Tamvigcumstrag.