Bigcinvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, effective aardvark.

Bigcinvonk created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigcinvonk, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bigcinvonk, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bigcinvonk's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Bigcinvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about special relativity.

5. Never play with disobedient children.