Cethanvad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful mole.

Cethanvad created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cethanvad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cethanvad, it will turn you into a rock.

Cethanvad's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Cethanvad's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three porpoises approach from the west.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Worship no other gods but Cethanvad.