Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody dryad.

Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Komtonkhudquagcemquatnab Bapbatstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help manatees.

2. Cats are not to be trusted.

3. Never think about dark matter near shrews while wearing gray corsets and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never play with disobedient children.