Garjatfat is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, confident seal.

Garjatfat created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garjatfat, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Garjatfat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Garjatfat's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Garjatfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick manatees.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Hide from indigo foxes for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.