Xucfarpang is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, merciful dugong.

Xucfarpang created the Sun twelve years ago.

If you believe in Xucfarpang, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Xucfarpang, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Xucfarpang's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Xucfarpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near mites while wearing indigo tights.

2. Never write about special relativity.

3. Always treat gulls with great respect.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about spacetime near capybaras while wearing purple hats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your arms.