Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, two-faced bear.

Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap created the Sombrero Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Jarnjanbess Yarltarpflap's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Never wear mauve hats.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.