Jondamstiping is a god.

She takes the form of a large, slow ant.

Jondamstiping created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jondamstiping, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Jondamstiping, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jondamstiping's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jondamstiping's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.