Pakstannat is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, bad-tempered monkey.

Pakstannat created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakstannat, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pakstannat, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Pakstannat's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Pakstannat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near mice while wearing magenta trousers.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.