Funnellnel is a god.

He takes the form of a small, moody spider.

Funnellnel created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funnellnel, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Funnellnel, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Funnellnel's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Funnellnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Funnellnel must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.