Arpkargub is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, moody pig.

Arpkargub created viruses four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpkargub, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Arpkargub, she will ignore you.

Arpkargub's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Arpkargub's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Arpkargub.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not speak about limes.

5. Never feed lots of turnips to eagles while wearing red hats.