Bafcussnarl is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless gerbil.

Bafcussnarl created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bafcussnarl, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bafcussnarl, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bafcussnarl's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bafcussnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near monkeys while wearing mauve scarves.

5. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.